free time... you love to have it, but hate it sometimes too... when you have free time, sometimes you tend to let your mind wander a little bit... it could be the most random thing ever, its like digging for a well in egypt... you keep digging but you'll find more sand than anything else...
today a thought crept into my mind...one thing she told me was that she was not ready to begin another relationship even if she thinks about someone else, even if its only 10 minutes per day... so that got me thinking...
when they first started... so many years ago, i guess there was no one on her mind... but the funny thing was that i find that quite hard to believe, and theres only 2 explanation that i can come up with...
1) either the 10 minute per day thing is a nice way of rejection, which is horrible, since the door is left partially open for hope.
2) she never considered anything between us from the start, since they started right after we broke things off. so i guess i did not occupy anytime in her mind when they started.
either way... i felt like a loser, wasting so much time and effort on a liar... manipulated by a puppet master...
i will no longer be your driver, i will need to find my own happiness... and it cannot be found with you... so i quit this liar's game...
either way... i feel like a failure when it comes to doing things
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
my choices, my consequences....
well as hard as it was to come out from my mouth... i said it... and it took an entire cup of bubble tea for it to come out... so it was actually quite hard, but sometimes no matter how much you want to hold someone, you need to let them go...
if we weren't a good match then we're not a good match... didn't see each other for 3+ weeks, and the best we could do was to muster some small chit chat... but then i guess at that point it was kinda late... just things i question about us in a relationship... and truthfully i couldn't put my finger on it, but i felt something was a little off with her, but like i said, couldn't put my finger on it...
well i think being away from someone for a while definitely gives you a different perspective on things... it wasn't like i didn't miss her on the trip, but just that, maybe this is my fault more than anything, is that when out of sight, out of mind. I have almost zero attention span...
i dont want to blame it on anyone, but when i got to HK, when i saw vinci again, the flame was truely gone... and it was a little bit sad at first too, but then i guess thats what time does... make even very vivid memories fade away... i think my fling with cora was more or less jump started by vinci. not saying that i didn't have any feelings for cora, but for the longest time those feelings did not sum up to anything, and as best as vinci described it, she was the little spark in my life at that time...a spark that burnt brightly, but only for a brief moment... in that brief moment, it made me want to hold on to more..... its true that when it comes, there is nothing that can be done...
in the end, i'm the one who makes the choices... letting you go may turn out to be the biggest mistake i've ever made, maybe its just the wrong timing, or that the time has already passed... but i can only go forward, even if it means driving with one eye in the rear view mirror, i'll always be going forward....
if we weren't a good match then we're not a good match... didn't see each other for 3+ weeks, and the best we could do was to muster some small chit chat... but then i guess at that point it was kinda late... just things i question about us in a relationship... and truthfully i couldn't put my finger on it, but i felt something was a little off with her, but like i said, couldn't put my finger on it...
well i think being away from someone for a while definitely gives you a different perspective on things... it wasn't like i didn't miss her on the trip, but just that, maybe this is my fault more than anything, is that when out of sight, out of mind. I have almost zero attention span...
i dont want to blame it on anyone, but when i got to HK, when i saw vinci again, the flame was truely gone... and it was a little bit sad at first too, but then i guess thats what time does... make even very vivid memories fade away... i think my fling with cora was more or less jump started by vinci. not saying that i didn't have any feelings for cora, but for the longest time those feelings did not sum up to anything, and as best as vinci described it, she was the little spark in my life at that time...a spark that burnt brightly, but only for a brief moment... in that brief moment, it made me want to hold on to more..... its true that when it comes, there is nothing that can be done...
in the end, i'm the one who makes the choices... letting you go may turn out to be the biggest mistake i've ever made, maybe its just the wrong timing, or that the time has already passed... but i can only go forward, even if it means driving with one eye in the rear view mirror, i'll always be going forward....
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
round trip to no where...
was on a trip to HK... came back... seems like everything was gone... not like how i remembered it when i left...
i dont want to see her now, dont want to talk on the phone with her....
maybe this is for the better... never was a good fit to begin with.
this is a failed entry...
i dont want to see her now, dont want to talk on the phone with her....
maybe this is for the better... never was a good fit to begin with.
this is a failed entry...
Thursday, August 19, 2010
fast forward... compressed entry..
Aug 16...
went to watch the movie "Scott Pilgram" with Vinci in the afternoon... did some shopping with her... it seems as though our time was ending... so couldn't help but feel there was a heavy air around us both, however she was very happy, real or not, it was contagious, very light hearted attitude toward things, definitely a plus in my books...
helped her at her aunt's place... feels like the whole world knew about us, but it felt like knowing that your death is nearing and theres nothing you can do about it because things happen for a reason...
the rush to the airport was quite hectic, but it did make the farewell more enjoyable, with more people saying bye to vinci... made it less sad to do so...
Later that evening...
i think vinci leaving on us like that, combined with xylia and ricky's wedding and ricky's grandma, really made me think, think of how important it is to cherish the people around us...
cora put it best, bumper cards, me and her have been bumping back and forth, left and right, always seems to be bumping into things and people... even into each other a couple of times before, but each time it just never stuck...
i feel guilty a little bit inside, knowing that vinci has not even left for 2 full days yet... but i dont want to lose cora into the traffic of bumper cars again... even though vinci is still near and dear to me, but i want to at least put my foot in the door, at least i am in cora's mind, because theres always been something between the two of us... we always seem to bump back into each other. I think this guilty feeling is coming from the fact that i am having feelings for 2 people at the same time... which unfortunately always seems to be a dilemma that i am faced with...
on one hand, vinci was the spark in my life, that made me see relationships are worth every penny and every second if that person is the right fit...
on the other hand, cora has always been there, and i even tried to push her away a couple of times, but somehow we just seem to drift back together...so i dont want to take her for granted moving forward...
both have very distinct and strong places in my memory, but i can safely say that if me and vinci did not happen, i would not have cherished cora as i do now...
thank you vinci for helping me re-discover the fun and laughter in a relationship again...
thank you cora for being there even when we both felt it was best to part ways.....
everything happened too fast... i will do all i can within my power to treat both as fairly as i can... i hope i can make to right choices when i am needed to make these choices...
went to watch the movie "Scott Pilgram" with Vinci in the afternoon... did some shopping with her... it seems as though our time was ending... so couldn't help but feel there was a heavy air around us both, however she was very happy, real or not, it was contagious, very light hearted attitude toward things, definitely a plus in my books...
helped her at her aunt's place... feels like the whole world knew about us, but it felt like knowing that your death is nearing and theres nothing you can do about it because things happen for a reason...
the rush to the airport was quite hectic, but it did make the farewell more enjoyable, with more people saying bye to vinci... made it less sad to do so...
Later that evening...
i think vinci leaving on us like that, combined with xylia and ricky's wedding and ricky's grandma, really made me think, think of how important it is to cherish the people around us...
cora put it best, bumper cards, me and her have been bumping back and forth, left and right, always seems to be bumping into things and people... even into each other a couple of times before, but each time it just never stuck...
i feel guilty a little bit inside, knowing that vinci has not even left for 2 full days yet... but i dont want to lose cora into the traffic of bumper cars again... even though vinci is still near and dear to me, but i want to at least put my foot in the door, at least i am in cora's mind, because theres always been something between the two of us... we always seem to bump back into each other. I think this guilty feeling is coming from the fact that i am having feelings for 2 people at the same time... which unfortunately always seems to be a dilemma that i am faced with...
on one hand, vinci was the spark in my life, that made me see relationships are worth every penny and every second if that person is the right fit...
on the other hand, cora has always been there, and i even tried to push her away a couple of times, but somehow we just seem to drift back together...so i dont want to take her for granted moving forward...
both have very distinct and strong places in my memory, but i can safely say that if me and vinci did not happen, i would not have cherished cora as i do now...
thank you vinci for helping me re-discover the fun and laughter in a relationship again...
thank you cora for being there even when we both felt it was best to part ways.....
everything happened too fast... i will do all i can within my power to treat both as fairly as i can... i hope i can make to right choices when i am needed to make these choices...
Monday, August 9, 2010
thoughts on a cloud...
couldn't concentrate at work today... today just felt like shit... and the rain just topped it off..
god dam
please don't make it worse than it already is..
god dam
please don't make it worse than it already is..
Sunday, August 8, 2010
happy but broken ending...
it was really sad... really too bad... but despite my best effort, I am still a failure... way to go to destroy another friendship... i have no one to blame but myself if I lose this friendship... so don't let anything happen to this great friend of mine... i'm willing to take away from my own to make up. I let this happen before and now I am seeing it happen again, please don't let it happen again...
trying to rebuild what is broken is a hard task, much harder than i ever imagined... and even after it is fixed, it will never be the same...
you're an amazing person that i missed out on...
mmmm
nah nah nah
i do not recall / as i recall
sau pei
uh huh
eeeeeee
you brought back the great feeling of being in a relationship, something that disappeared from me 2 years ago... but if doing so means hurting anyone, than i rather not know how to be in a relationship again.
either you know it or not... you've changed my life for the better... thank you.
trying to rebuild what is broken is a hard task, much harder than i ever imagined... and even after it is fixed, it will never be the same...
you're an amazing person that i missed out on...
mmmm
nah nah nah
i do not recall / as i recall
sau pei
uh huh
eeeeeee
you brought back the great feeling of being in a relationship, something that disappeared from me 2 years ago... but if doing so means hurting anyone, than i rather not know how to be in a relationship again.
either you know it or not... you've changed my life for the better... thank you.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
we stood there waving...good bye
it was sad... goodbyes are always sad... at worst it could be forever not seeing that person... ever again!
godfrey we'll all miss you! can't believe you're leaving us!! you brought so much laughter to our group, and all those authentic godfrey moments that are all unforgettable!
i hope you do well in hk and become very successful! one day i needa visit your house thats on one of the mountains!! (preferable the ones with huge houses) then i'll just smouch off of ya :P
confirmed my ticket for HK this oct, so when I leave HK that might be another good bye! but it just makes you look forward to the next time that we'll meet!! hopefully GG won't flop on us this time, with him and his speech of having a dream to go HK :P
Friday, July 2, 2010
book unwritten.... and canada day!
mentioned it before, and i'll quote it again, the bottle of pop that was never opened, is probably the one that tastes the best, but then we'll never know... keep moving on with a smile!
thank you for that long long long (1 hour walk) from woodbine beach back to eaton center, it was quite exhausting and i think i learned a little bit more about a decent friend :D didn't realize how enjoyable walking and talking was, you just keep going on and on about one thing then it felt like it was only more than just a minute after you started that long walk
fireworks weren't dazzling, but they were passable, just to be there when you leaned on me, i want to be able to support you, but i'm just thinking too much
i remember walking by a movie shoot in the middle of the night with the UFO lights, the bars with a lot of black people waiting outside, the crossing of the bridge and the people camping in the middle of the park ...
i think i told you that you are the one who brings the fireworks to me, because i dont recall myself seeing so much fireworks before, now i'm seen more fireworks with you than i've seen in past several years!! so next time i see fireworks i will definitely think of you :D
i think its rather appropriate to have this quote "火花不等人" ... so true...(first time linking LOL noob!!!)
in more ways than one you've helped me a lot, getting over previous pains(even if nothing were to happen even from the start) , finding (uncontrolled) laughter again, and reinspired me that falling in love mentally is much more fulfilling than anything else... thank you!
you have given me a few good advice! well i will try to give you some back (alth0ugh i doubt it'll reach you), with all your bad experience, keep trying, because in the end, believe it or not, good things happen to nice people, and you are definitely a good person, and even that is an understatement!
thank you for that long long long (1 hour walk) from woodbine beach back to eaton center, it was quite exhausting and i think i learned a little bit more about a decent friend :D didn't realize how enjoyable walking and talking was, you just keep going on and on about one thing then it felt like it was only more than just a minute after you started that long walk
fireworks weren't dazzling, but they were passable, just to be there when you leaned on me, i want to be able to support you, but i'm just thinking too much
i remember walking by a movie shoot in the middle of the night with the UFO lights, the bars with a lot of black people waiting outside, the crossing of the bridge and the people camping in the middle of the park ...
i think i told you that you are the one who brings the fireworks to me, because i dont recall myself seeing so much fireworks before, now i'm seen more fireworks with you than i've seen in past several years!! so next time i see fireworks i will definitely think of you :D
i think its rather appropriate to have this quote "火花不等人" ... so true...(first time linking LOL noob!!!)
in more ways than one you've helped me a lot, getting over previous pains(even if nothing were to happen even from the start) , finding (uncontrolled) laughter again, and reinspired me that falling in love mentally is much more fulfilling than anything else... thank you!
you have given me a few good advice! well i will try to give you some back (alth0ugh i doubt it'll reach you), with all your bad experience, keep trying, because in the end, believe it or not, good things happen to nice people, and you are definitely a good person, and even that is an understatement!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
STILL....life
we take pictures to help us remember something, because as the saying goes "take a picture, it'll last longer" ... it helps us remember what happened in our lives probably will point out the fine details than what our memory can recall later on...
when you take the picture, it captures a moment, perhaps it is a moment that you cannot wait to pass, a moment you want to remember, a moment you want to keep.
maybe there are pictures of things that i was looking for, but missed... i just wish i had a retake with a different setting...
when you take the picture, it captures a moment, perhaps it is a moment that you cannot wait to pass, a moment you want to remember, a moment you want to keep.
maybe there are pictures of things that i was looking for, but missed... i just wish i had a retake with a different setting...
Monday, May 24, 2010
laughter the cure to all, or is it....
the sunday before victoria day monday, all that means is one less day of real life for this coming week :D
went downtown to chill... watched robin hood (I still would have preferred shrek 4) and had dinner dt at springrolls...
just walking around downtown and having a blast, it helps that the company was good! i don't remember laughing so hard in a LONG LONG LONG time, maybe it was a little bit enhanced, but it was genuine laughing. Laughing from the bottom of your lung, laughing so loud on the street till people were turning their head to catch a glance, I was glad there was someone else to laugh with me :D
but like laughter, it can't be forever, feelings, timing and location, missing just one is like a hotdog without either the bun, the dog or the ketchup... won't be the same...
I had a great time laughing at/with this person, but too bad it seems like there is a count down happening and nothing's going to change :P
we'll see....
went downtown to chill... watched robin hood (I still would have preferred shrek 4) and had dinner dt at springrolls...
just walking around downtown and having a blast, it helps that the company was good! i don't remember laughing so hard in a LONG LONG LONG time, maybe it was a little bit enhanced, but it was genuine laughing. Laughing from the bottom of your lung, laughing so loud on the street till people were turning their head to catch a glance, I was glad there was someone else to laugh with me :D
but like laughter, it can't be forever, feelings, timing and location, missing just one is like a hotdog without either the bun, the dog or the ketchup... won't be the same...
I had a great time laughing at/with this person, but too bad it seems like there is a count down happening and nothing's going to change :P
we'll see....
Sunday, April 18, 2010
5 centimeter per second...
i just watched an anime called "5 centimeter per second", great anime, very touching and true to the heart... love the song at the end!
I'm always searching for you, always searching for your figure.
At the opposite train platform, or through a window into a back alley.
Though there's no way you could be here.
If wishes do come true, I want to be at your side.
There's nothing I can't do.
I'd give up everything to embrace you.
If I'm just diverting my sadness, anyone will do.
On this night where it seems the stars will fall from the sky, I want to be truthful to myself.
One more time, don't fade away, seasons.
One more time, I want that time when we fooled around together.
I'm always searching for you, always searching for your figure.
At the intersection, or in my dreams.
Though there's no way you could be here.
If miracles do occur, I want to show you now the new dawn, how I'll be from now on, and the words of love I could never tell you.
The memories of summer revolve around me and your throbbing heartbeat that suddenly vanished.
I'm always searching for you, always searching for your figure.
In the city at dawn, or in Sakuragi-cho.
Though there's no way you could be here.
If wishes do come true, I want to be at your side.
There's nothing I can't do.
I'd give up everything to embrace you.
I'm always searching for you, always searching for even a fragment of you.
At the store I'm going to, or in the corner of a newspaper.
Though there's no way you could be here.
If miracles do occur, I want to show you now the new dawn, how I'll be from now on, and the words of love I could never tell you.
I'll always end up looking somewhere for your smile.
While waiting for the express train, or at the railroad crossing.
Though there's no way you could be here.
If I could live life over again, I would go to your side every time.
For I want nothing more precious than you.
for me to realize what i need and want to do, i will definitely need to move... faster than 5 centimeter per second...
I'm always searching for you, always searching for your figure.
At the opposite train platform, or through a window into a back alley.
Though there's no way you could be here.
If wishes do come true, I want to be at your side.
There's nothing I can't do.
I'd give up everything to embrace you.
If I'm just diverting my sadness, anyone will do.
On this night where it seems the stars will fall from the sky, I want to be truthful to myself.
One more time, don't fade away, seasons.
One more time, I want that time when we fooled around together.
I'm always searching for you, always searching for your figure.
At the intersection, or in my dreams.
Though there's no way you could be here.
If miracles do occur, I want to show you now the new dawn, how I'll be from now on, and the words of love I could never tell you.
The memories of summer revolve around me and your throbbing heartbeat that suddenly vanished.
I'm always searching for you, always searching for your figure.
In the city at dawn, or in Sakuragi-cho.
Though there's no way you could be here.
If wishes do come true, I want to be at your side.
There's nothing I can't do.
I'd give up everything to embrace you.
I'm always searching for you, always searching for even a fragment of you.
At the store I'm going to, or in the corner of a newspaper.
Though there's no way you could be here.
If miracles do occur, I want to show you now the new dawn, how I'll be from now on, and the words of love I could never tell you.
I'll always end up looking somewhere for your smile.
While waiting for the express train, or at the railroad crossing.
Though there's no way you could be here.
If I could live life over again, I would go to your side every time.
For I want nothing more precious than you.
for me to realize what i need and want to do, i will definitely need to move... faster than 5 centimeter per second...
Friday, April 16, 2010
building blocks..
recently just signed up for a volunteer event voluntarily... also been forced to volunteer at other events... but the point is stuff my schedule with lotsa stuff!! hoping to enjoy life more than studying...
man i wanna organize a road trip or something, heck long wkend to the states :D and i wanna try that KFC double D!! too bad its not available in canada.... =(
theres more to life than studying... or so i'd like to think :P
man i wanna organize a road trip or something, heck long wkend to the states :D and i wanna try that KFC double D!! too bad its not available in canada.... =(
theres more to life than studying... or so i'd like to think :P
Friday, April 2, 2010
deleted...
i can barely believe it myself, i deleted your photos from my phone, deleted your contact, deleted our text message history, blocked you on facebook...
i need a new start... need strength to continue... this is a tough road...
i need a new start... need strength to continue... this is a tough road...
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
umbrella friend...
coined new term... umbrella friend... friends who either are there to support you willingly or you will automatically turn to them when things are down
they will always be there for you when you are sad, but when you are happy, they will not be able to share your laughter...
umbrella friends are a rare breed...
i dont know if its a blessing to be an umbrella friend of someone... so due to the indecisiveness.... i think i rather not be a friend... and close this chapter completely...
need to do it, or else more pain will come in the future...
they will always be there for you when you are sad, but when you are happy, they will not be able to share your laughter...
umbrella friends are a rare breed...
i dont know if its a blessing to be an umbrella friend of someone... so due to the indecisiveness.... i think i rather not be a friend... and close this chapter completely...
need to do it, or else more pain will come in the future...
盧巧音 - 三角誌
沒有這件事 妨礙我們難道我和你 又會一樣
就算不是她 也有問題吧
早該分開 不該怪她
即使跟蹤你 來臨案發現場
牢牢看守著你 提防你搭上這一個她
下個她 都會趁我看不到誘惑你
明白如你要這樣易變心 哪到我害怕
就算她 跟你有段情
我也為你高興 用第三者身份見證
最不可靠是愛情 我們無人能得勝 再溫馨
仍不夠耐性 捱得到第四者 煞風景
當初喜歡你 其時你有別人
完全都因為我 才完結過去拋低了她
下個她 不過接替我當天那位置
情外情 轉了對象 別要太驚訝
沒有她 都會有別人
你我避免不過 混亂間將彼此錯過
有幾多故事最後 愛人仍然同一個 看清楚
誰都背叛過 誰亦曾被騙過
不知道 伴侶再換就更好
還是越來越退步 能讓路還是再睹
就算再三上訴 你爭我奪投進誰懷抱
誰話愛你註定 好心好報
第四者 跟你有段情
我也為你高興 外遇萬千燦爛像繁星
可惜那併發症 我們無人能得勝 再溫馨
仍不夠耐性 捱得到第五者 煞風景
sigh... just repeating this song for days... i guess i will not have a happy ending in this story...
need to fight to move on, need to be firm and strong
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
headbutt!!!
i dont know... i thought i could shake it off... and i have... for 95%... but the brain and the heart can never be on the same page...
what if things were different...what if we never met... then my life would be simple...
i feel like i need to lose this selected memory for me to go on.... can someone please hit me on the head?
what if things were different...what if we never met... then my life would be simple...
i feel like i need to lose this selected memory for me to go on.... can someone please hit me on the head?
Sunday, March 21, 2010
swing...
before today, i was determined to finish what i started...
but news today just threw me back onto the other side of the fence... i was an afterthought... constantly being lied to... only to be revealed the truth after the dust settles...
to be frank...
i dont want to be your brother anymore... and maybe we can just be friends... friends of the very basic kind... at least that way i keep my promise i made to you... at least i will live with my integrity intact...
theres no price for honestly... too bad you, too bad for me, too bad for everyone...
but news today just threw me back onto the other side of the fence... i was an afterthought... constantly being lied to... only to be revealed the truth after the dust settles...
to be frank...
i dont want to be your brother anymore... and maybe we can just be friends... friends of the very basic kind... at least that way i keep my promise i made to you... at least i will live with my integrity intact...
theres no price for honestly... too bad you, too bad for me, too bad for everyone...
Thursday, March 11, 2010
logic vs emotions... / minimum buy in...
plain and simple... its between the 2 and i dont know which one is right...
Love should be illogical... and plans are unemotional...
i want to carry out my plan logically and be in love emotionally... but that sometimes the things that are most clear are hardest to get...
together with all this... can love really be free? i dont think i have the chips right now to play this game... waited for a while to get this chance... but if you don't have the chips... you're just on the outside looking in....
sad and depressing... but in front of you, i need to be strong, so when you lean on me... i'll be there for you...
Love should be illogical... and plans are unemotional...
i want to carry out my plan logically and be in love emotionally... but that sometimes the things that are most clear are hardest to get...
together with all this... can love really be free? i dont think i have the chips right now to play this game... waited for a while to get this chance... but if you don't have the chips... you're just on the outside looking in....
sad and depressing... but in front of you, i need to be strong, so when you lean on me... i'll be there for you...
Monday, March 1, 2010
lean??
sigh... today was what i thought to be a bad day... dont know why... maybe just things not going the way i wanted them to go... so i thought i'd reach out and try to get some support...
one thing i learned is that... dont lean on anyone... you could be there for someone when they need support... but what happens when you need a hand? people are just a little harder to find when that happens...
i thought i made some head way into my thought process... but i guess it was a pretty fragile process and now i've probably taken a few steps back...
who needs anyone to do their laundry when i can do them myself...
one thing i learned is that... dont lean on anyone... you could be there for someone when they need support... but what happens when you need a hand? people are just a little harder to find when that happens...
i thought i made some head way into my thought process... but i guess it was a pretty fragile process and now i've probably taken a few steps back...
who needs anyone to do their laundry when i can do them myself...
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
buying time...
as i mentioned in my previous blog... i have a goal and i have a plan (sorta) to achieve that goal... but along the way... i'm using my time now to hopefully buy time in the future... does that make sense? is it worth it to trade my "time" now for "time" in the future?
i don't know... i'm hoping this pays off in the future... because right now it seems as though the price i'm paying is pretty high...
I'm wishing someone can give me some insight of any kind... its tough to go without knowing...
i don't know... i'm hoping this pays off in the future... because right now it seems as though the price i'm paying is pretty high...
I'm wishing someone can give me some insight of any kind... its tough to go without knowing...
Monday, February 15, 2010
trend analysis / coming and going
sigh... maybe i've been studying too much... even my blog entry title seems like its my study material...
to accomplish a goal, you need to set a goal, then have a plan in place to achieve that goal, then be discipline enough to stick with that goal.
i think i've got the first and second steps down... but sometimes sticking with the third step can be a little bit tedious...
my goal is to have 2 properties in 2 years, plan is focus on my savings... but sometimes there are things that can side track me... sigh... maybe its just some things that you want naturally... but to be discipline, that will not be possible... what should i do?
for any male, in their early-mid 20s... its only natural to want to date right? sigh... too bad my plan probably won't allow me to sidetrack from my focus till 2 years down the road... so what do I do??
but having said that... there isnt anyone whos given me the motivation to deviate from my plan... so i guess things will come when they are ready...
__________________________________________________________________
it seems as though its only true that people come and people go... thats just the way things are... nothing is forever... whatever the reason was, timing, feelings or our differences, just didn't allow us to happen the way it could have... which was sad in some ways... but like i've said in my post above, things will come when they are ready... and maybe thats the way it was meant to be...
it happened after the visit to switzerland... after that it seems like everything changed... our emotions almost forced something that shouldnt happen... to happen...
after that... here we are... like rocks in a river... drifting slowly away from each other day by day without noticing it, when we notice, it doesnt even feel that far anymore because it happened slowly day by day...
after that dinner at the korean restaurant, it was only then i realized how impossible we were... its like when there is a book that you really want to read, but then you watched the movie for the book, even knowing that there is probably tons of details left out of the movie from the book, you just don't want to go read the book after the movie anymore....its lost its "pop". another one of my weird analogies....
so i'm not sure if i lied or not... in a way you are a really great friend... but i dont know if you're my best friend, having said that i do not know how my life would have been without you, because you are such a big part of it... or maybe its just the fact that i don't believe in best friends... i don't know...
i appreciate you... and i hope you appreciate me too...
people come, people go, just their memories stay...
to accomplish a goal, you need to set a goal, then have a plan in place to achieve that goal, then be discipline enough to stick with that goal.
i think i've got the first and second steps down... but sometimes sticking with the third step can be a little bit tedious...
my goal is to have 2 properties in 2 years, plan is focus on my savings... but sometimes there are things that can side track me... sigh... maybe its just some things that you want naturally... but to be discipline, that will not be possible... what should i do?
for any male, in their early-mid 20s... its only natural to want to date right? sigh... too bad my plan probably won't allow me to sidetrack from my focus till 2 years down the road... so what do I do??
but having said that... there isnt anyone whos given me the motivation to deviate from my plan... so i guess things will come when they are ready...
__________________________________________________________________
it seems as though its only true that people come and people go... thats just the way things are... nothing is forever... whatever the reason was, timing, feelings or our differences, just didn't allow us to happen the way it could have... which was sad in some ways... but like i've said in my post above, things will come when they are ready... and maybe thats the way it was meant to be...
it happened after the visit to switzerland... after that it seems like everything changed... our emotions almost forced something that shouldnt happen... to happen...
after that... here we are... like rocks in a river... drifting slowly away from each other day by day without noticing it, when we notice, it doesnt even feel that far anymore because it happened slowly day by day...
after that dinner at the korean restaurant, it was only then i realized how impossible we were... its like when there is a book that you really want to read, but then you watched the movie for the book, even knowing that there is probably tons of details left out of the movie from the book, you just don't want to go read the book after the movie anymore....its lost its "pop". another one of my weird analogies....
so i'm not sure if i lied or not... in a way you are a really great friend... but i dont know if you're my best friend, having said that i do not know how my life would have been without you, because you are such a big part of it... or maybe its just the fact that i don't believe in best friends... i don't know...
i appreciate you... and i hope you appreciate me too...
people come, people go, just their memories stay...
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Little did I know...
well it seems as though I will have to be a hypocrite and go back on my last post... sorta...
when something feels like it that was the one thing you've always wanted, but when the time comes for you to go and take it... you just dont want to take the steps to get it... that something you've been wanting for so long and now it turns out that there are so many things missing... even the most complete and perfect diamond, there will be flaws...
so am i looking for something that is completely perfect? no... maybe i just want something that i do not know, something that gives me a motivation to learn more about... or maybe i just dont want to take the chance to fail... as all of a sudden, the cards seem to have been stacked against me...
anywho, without rambling on, i think its best we part ways... he was perfect according to you, and you were perfect according to me not too long ago too...
everyone deserves new beginnings, maybe we need to begin to be friends... from the beginning again?
when something feels like it that was the one thing you've always wanted, but when the time comes for you to go and take it... you just dont want to take the steps to get it... that something you've been wanting for so long and now it turns out that there are so many things missing... even the most complete and perfect diamond, there will be flaws...
so am i looking for something that is completely perfect? no... maybe i just want something that i do not know, something that gives me a motivation to learn more about... or maybe i just dont want to take the chance to fail... as all of a sudden, the cards seem to have been stacked against me...
anywho, without rambling on, i think its best we part ways... he was perfect according to you, and you were perfect according to me not too long ago too...
everyone deserves new beginnings, maybe we need to begin to be friends... from the beginning again?
Sunday, January 3, 2010
recurring thoughts....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NRf4HQw4MU
it started with this MTV...made me realize that we need to cherish what we have...because we never know what tomorrow brings, it is better to have memories than to not have any at all...
so new years resolution for 2010... go get it, don't hold back... and let everything else fall into place!
on a similar note, it had this dream... it felt familiar as I've had this dream before, but somehow it felt that by the end of the dream, i realized that i've had the dream before and something change at the end. The closest thing to describe it is remembering thoughts from a previous life you lived... then realizing its too late to change whats happening now... almost like we're string puppets controlled by fate...
it started with this MTV...made me realize that we need to cherish what we have...because we never know what tomorrow brings, it is better to have memories than to not have any at all...
so new years resolution for 2010... go get it, don't hold back... and let everything else fall into place!
on a similar note, it had this dream... it felt familiar as I've had this dream before, but somehow it felt that by the end of the dream, i realized that i've had the dream before and something change at the end. The closest thing to describe it is remembering thoughts from a previous life you lived... then realizing its too late to change whats happening now... almost like we're string puppets controlled by fate...
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