fast forward... compressed entry..

Aug 16...

went to watch the movie "Scott Pilgram" with Vinci in the afternoon... did some shopping with her... it seems as though our time was ending... so couldn't help but feel there was a heavy air around us both, however she was very happy, real or not, it was contagious, very light hearted attitude toward things, definitely a plus in my books...

helped her at her aunt's place... feels like the whole world knew about us, but it felt like knowing that your death is nearing and theres nothing you can do about it because things happen for a reason...

the rush to the airport was quite hectic, but it did make the farewell more enjoyable, with more people saying bye to vinci... made it less sad to do so...

Later that evening...

i think vinci leaving on us like that, combined with xylia and ricky's wedding and ricky's grandma, really made me think, think of how important it is to cherish the people around us...

cora put it best, bumper cards, me and her have been bumping back and forth, left and right, always seems to be bumping into things and people... even into each other a couple of times before, but each time it just never stuck...

i feel guilty a little bit inside, knowing that vinci has not even left for 2 full days yet... but i dont want to lose cora into the traffic of bumper cars again... even though vinci is still near and dear to me, but i want to at least put my foot in the door, at least i am in cora's mind, because theres always been something between the two of us... we always seem to bump back into each other. I think this guilty feeling is coming from the fact that i am having feelings for 2 people at the same time... which unfortunately always seems to be a dilemma that i am faced with...

on one hand, vinci was the spark in my life, that made me see relationships are worth every penny and every second if that person is the right fit...

on the other hand, cora has always been there, and i even tried to push her away a couple of times, but somehow we just seem to drift back together...so i dont want to take her for granted moving forward...

both have very distinct and strong places in my memory, but i can safely say that if me and vinci did not happen, i would not have cherished cora as i do now...

thank you vinci for helping me re-discover the fun and laughter in a relationship again...

thank you cora for being there even when we both felt it was best to part ways.....

everything happened too fast... i will do all i can within my power to treat both as fairly as i can... i hope i can make to right choices when i am needed to make these choices...

thoughts on a cloud...

couldn't concentrate at work today... today just felt like shit... and the rain just topped it off..

god dam

please don't make it worse than it already is..

happy but broken ending...

it was really sad... really too bad... but despite my best effort, I am still a failure... way to go to destroy another friendship... i have no one to blame but myself if I lose this friendship... so don't let anything happen to this great friend of mine... i'm willing to take away from my own to make up. I let this happen before and now I am seeing it happen again, please don't let it happen again...

trying to rebuild what is broken is a hard task, much harder than i ever imagined... and even after it is fixed, it will never be the same...

you're an amazing person that i missed out on...

mmmm
nah nah nah
i do not recall / as i recall
sau pei
uh huh
eeeeeee

you brought back the great feeling of being in a relationship, something that disappeared from me 2 years ago... but if doing so means hurting anyone, than i rather not know how to be in a relationship again.

either you know it or not... you've changed my life for the better... thank you.